My Book

Moms Vs Societal Double Standards

Let me start off by reminding all of you reading the book that this is a judgement-free space. I’m here to help you balance your lives better, not to provide you with the secret to round chappatis and happy husbands. Contrary to what the Internet and well-meaning family and friends might tell you, there is no right way to be a mother. There is, however, an urgent need for discussion when we talk about the pressure and guilt mainstream society puts on parents to be perfect. 

The Perils of Traditional Societal Roles

There is a clear difference in attitude towards how we Indians traditionally treat roles of both women and men in the household: the man being the provider and the mother, the homemaker. While it is very easy to criticise how outdated this ideology is (especially in the 21 st century), it’s also impossible to argue that there are certain responsibilities in a household that, to this day, remain gender-specific. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but women are not likely to be the sole income providers for their families. As much as one would believe otherwise, having a career for a married woman is always a choice. They get to choose whether they want to do something or not and whether they should monetise on those opportunities. Men, unfortunately, don’t have the freedom of making that same choice. It is an unspoken expectation that they remain responsible for providing financial security for their families. If they choose otherwise, they are made to feel emasculated for their decisions. At this point, I have already angered some of my readers without meaning to. So let me clear up my stance a bit. Fitting into societal expectations is not my cup of tea—the thought of normalising households where both partners work and take on domestic chores definitely is. An example of such a prevalent double standard is how society at large treats working mothers. A woman can be doing her best to keep everyone at work and home happy and yet be shamed, if she cannot take on certain household responsibilities due to her precarious balancing act. In that case, she is considered a failure in the eyes of the family’s elders for not being domestic enough.